I caught you with that line, didn’t I? It would get my attention in a heartbeat. I am always looking to improve and expand my counseling accuracy, sharpen my counseling tools, and at the same time, keep up on the new resources coming at me like a very fast assembly line of goodies (think Lucy and Ethel with their chocolates!).
There is no doubt that rich, Christ-saturated books, curricula, and other media are within our reach. That is one of the reasons we offer a robust list of suggested resources on our website. With so much abundant content to help with, what are the best resources? And should we use the same resources across the board when each person we care for has a uniqueness to their reproductive grief and losses?
Honestly, it’s impossible. I’ve tried. And we’ve heard from many helpers who have tried, too. But there is good news: every one of us has the one resource outshining them all. Yes, the very Word of God. God Himself declares its authority and sufficiency, giving us all we need for teaching, rebuking, correcting, and training in righteousness.
To be honest, one of the greatest challenges we face is knowing how to help an unbeliever who doesn’t want faith-based care. I want to encourage you here, in every session, you are facing either evangelism or discipleship. The Wonderful Counselor himself teaches us the best counseling process. Ask more questions than give answers. Jesus asked over 300 questions during His three-year ministry. And I imagine He asked many more questions that were not recorded in Scripture! But the purpose of His questions offers a gold mine of resources. Jesus challenged assumptions and led those he ministered to personal reflection.
Believer or not, if we listen well, we can hear every person’s plea for truth, meaning, and purpose in their suffering. With wisdom and discernment, we can identify their assumptions, expectations, and often, agendas. It is then that we engage them to consider these things differently, through a lens that embraces hope and healing.
And for us, the best way to do this is to be saturated and surrendered in this best resource ourselves. Joshua 1:8-9 lays out the beautiful promise of how our time in God’s Word gives us success, strength, and courage. So utilize the wonderful resources God has given us through His saints, and remain grounded in Scripture, where the Helper, the Holy Spirit, emboldens you to be His instrument, a true gift to our hurting world.
– Tanya Flores
*Blog post image from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A2x8N4DjxnE.
A question we often hear (or some variation of it) is, “What does Reproductive Loss Network think of psychology and science?” It’s a great question, and if you are curious, I’d like to share our answer with you!
First, what do psychology and science aim to contribute to our understanding of human life? According to the American Psychological Association, “psychology is the scientific study of the mind and behavior.” Although the science of psychology is relatively new, the study of behavior, existence, reasoning, and related topics has its roots in the early philosophical minds such as Thales, Socrates, and Plato, among others. The human fascination with the mind is so vast that this area of study is continuously expanding, with its current estimate exceeding 4,700 books. This isn’t counting the comprehensive psychology reference sets available, which are typically multi-volume and very extensive, covering thousands of entries and topics. Additionally, consider the multitude of research studies and statistical articles! ScienceDirect reports that between 1950 and 1999, at least 676,393 studies were published, with the volume of publications steadily increasing to over one million by 2021.[1] One can only guess what these estimates are now, in 2025.
As I write this post, I feel overwhelmed typing these numbers. One reason is that RLN strives to stay informed of new scientific findings and provide our learners with accurate statistics and data, recognizing the value of studies and research. A second reason is how, then, from these vast volumes of work, do we decide which articles and findings lend authority to our understanding of the human mind and behavior? What data or models should inform us of the trauma, suffering, and pain of those we serve who are in seasons of reproductive grief?
Our answer comes out of our identity in Christ. As believers, we must seek the answers that are easily found. Our Creator has given us such wisdom and is our Wonderful Counselor (we can find over 100 verses reminding us of His perfect counsel and care). He breathed out His Word (2 Timothy 3:16), the absolute Truth about humanity, a truth that remains constant and unchanging over time. He is the author of our lives, who knows us completely and holds our past, present, and future in His hands. This wisdom is not hidden; it is for all to learn and understand the biblical categories of the human heart, which lead the mind and body.
As for God, his way is perfect:
The Lord’s word is flawless;
he shields all who take refuge in him.
2 Samuel 22:31, Psalm 18:30
So, back to the question, “What do we think about psychology and science?“
We think about it a lot! We agree that the discoveries psychology and science offer can add value and insight to our world. Even God used numbers and related descriptors of behavior throughout His Word for specific purposes and to have a profound impact. As for how to interpret the world’s findings, we turn to God, our ultimate authority (Isaiah 28:29, Psalm 32:8), who gives us the ability to articulate observations from a biblical perspective.
So, when it comes to helping those with reproductive grief, we hope biblical helpers will pause with us and consider the methods of care given. Are we trusting in man’s models, or seeking to understand life’s perplexities and pain through the lens of Christ? We must remember what God reveals to us in Jeremiah 17:9 that the “heart [of man] is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” This is a humbling declaration (and hard to accept at times). The world cannot be our counselor. However, as biblical educators, we strive to offer you the biblical standard of care from the Word of God, which equips, educates, and encourages us—all for His glory and the purposes of our ministries. As the body of Christ, may we continue to learn together as we are lifted by humbling ourselves before the Lord (James 4:10), who enables us to comfort others as we have been comforted by Him (2 Corinthians 1:4).
– Tanya Flores
[1] https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S0732118X20302233
A Christian blogger I follow recently posted a heartbreaking update to living with her painstaking illness. What was hard to read was the profanity in her post title and the absence of Scripture in her lament. She said (in a few more words) that she was not suffering well. My heart sank as I continued to read her post and hear her grieving heart through her honest words. I quickly prayed for her comfort.
What this post spurred was a genuine conversation between me and Tricia. Our responses as we processed this post were different from one another. We both felt how honest expressions of suffering can sometimes make us uncomfortable. And as such, suffering causes our hearts to reach for a respite and solution. But in which direction will our heart move? As helpers and sufferers, do we respond through our wisdom or run to our familiar comforts? Or do we turn to Christ, our Wonderful Counselor (Isaiah 9:6) and Man of Sorrows (Isaiah 53:3)?
One of my favored illustrations about suffering describes how easily we get caught up with the world’s solutions to our pain, trying and testing the options repeatedly. But this pursuit leaves us in a holding pattern, in other words, like driving in a cul-de-sac. Oh, how I have lived this looping and hopeless path. But Christ does not leave us in our unceasing state of circles. He gives us the only way out: Himself. We see this throughout Scripture with the bridging word, yet.
We see this in Jonah’s pain in chapter 2:4-6
Then I said, ‘I am driven away
from your sight;
yet I shall again look
upon your holy temple.’
The waters closed in over me to take my life;
the deep surrounded me;
weeds were wrapped about my head
at the roots of the mountains.
I went down to the land
whose bars closed upon me forever;
yet you brought up my life from the pit,
O LORD my God.
We read in Habakkuk 3:17-19
Though the fig tree should not blossom,
nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail
and the fields yield no food,
he flock be cut off from the fold
and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
GOD, the Lord, is my strength;
he makes my feet like the deer’s;
he makes me tread on my high places.
And in Job 19:25-27
For I know that my Redeemer lives,
and at the last he will stand upon the earth.
And after my skin has been thus destroyed,
yet in my flesh I shall see God,
whom I shall see for myself,
and my eyes shall behold, and not another.
My heart faints within me!
Oh, how our Lord loves us. As helpers, we can embrace these biblical truths, reminding us that our sufferings and those we care for have a way out of the “cul-de-sac.” May we never forget the bridging “yets“, the promises of Christ in our pain and infliction. And please, join me in prayer for those who desperately need to hear the gentle but lifesaving yets. God’s promises are the only remedy, reminding us our pain is temporary; we can fix our eyes not on what is seen but on what is unseen, the eternal glory and future in Christ (2 Corinthians 4:16-18).
Last week a friend stopped by for a visit, saw my plants, and offered some advice. The need was evident. One of my succulents sits with its overgrown stalk resting on the kitchen window, like a child smooshing its face into the glass. Across the counter sits a different plant, droopy and over-watered, looking as if trying to reach something to hold on to, only to give up. She told me the size of the pots is the problem, affecting their healthy growth. One has too much room, and the other is cramped. I had no idea!
Doing research, I found on SimplifyPlants’ website that “different species of plants have different care requirements, and each of them acts differently in a particular situation.” For example, when the pot’s size is too small, the nutrients present in the soil will be absorbed quickly by the plant, and the roots may become root-bound. On the other hand, if you put a plant in a pot too big, the plant will not be able to absorb appropriate nutrients. In addition, the soil may hold too much water, leading to root rot and other pest problems in the plants. So, I learned that I have to be intentional in my pot selection for each plant, giving it the appropriate soil, water, and fertilizer it requires.
Thinking about plants reminds me of how God made us uniquely in his image, planting us strategically for growth, pruning, and harvesting (Jeremiah 17:7-8). God knows when we need a smaller space for our roots to grow deep, and he knows when we are ready for a larger area of expansion. He also gives us “fertilizer” through his Word (2 Timothy 3:16-17) and his church, where we encourage and support one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
Unfortunately, we often want to control where we are planted, our speed of growth, and the fruit we bring. Other times, we may not want to grow but remain where we are, tired and weary from the process. It’s often in grief that we feel the struggle the most. When we endure suffering, we may feel we’ve been ripped from our pot and question if we’ll ever grow again. We are challenged in our faith to trust the master gardener (John 15:1-27), who we are to abide in, through all seasons of life. He is the one who causes us to grow and prunes us when needed. He gives us Jesus, our living water and nourishment, promising through him we won’t hunger or thirst again (John 4:10, 6:35)
Let’s encourage one another not to struggle out of our pots. As it is for us and those we help, God knows where we belong, even when it feels foreign, dull, or barren. Let’s remind ourselves and them to soak in the living water of Jesus and allow him to fertilize our soil. Be intentional in the community around you, supporting, encouraging, and tending to one another. And with patience and perseverance, we look forward to the Kingdom of God…
…yet when it is sown, it grows up and becomes larger than all the garden plants and forms large branches; so that THE BIRDS OF THE AIR can NEST UNDER ITS SHADE. – Mark 4:32
Tanya Flores, Reproductive Loss Network
At the beginning of April, I received an email from a jewelry retailer that surprised me. The subject line immediately caught my eyes: “Rather not receive Mother’s Day emails?” I opened it to read the full text, “we understand that this time of year isn’t easy for all. If you’d rather not receive Mother’s Day emails, just let us know.” Below the paragraph was a large button labeled “OPT OUT OF MOTHER’S DAY EMAILS.”
Ten days later, the popular online graphic design portal, Canva, sent out their email, “Want to opt-out of Mother’s Day emails?” Their content included a button to “Change my preferences” alongside the message “Mother’s Day is coming up and we know it can be a difficult day for some. That’s why we’re giving you the option to opt-out of Mother’s Day emails from us.”
If the secular world recognizes and offers relief for those hurting during the Mother’s Day season, shouldn’t the church respond as well? Is Mother’s Day even biblical? Or are the women who hurt expected to gird up strength and endure a socially constructed celebration?
I understand these questions can stir up emotion, especially for church leaders. Years ago, I asked a pastor to consider canceling the church’s annual May “Mother/Daughter Tea” to have a church-wide picnic instead. Or at least rebranding the event name to “Women’s Day Tea.” The reason being is Mother’s Day can be one of the hardest days of the year, and harder still to celebrate it in church. The church is to be a place focused on glorifying God (not ourselves), being devoted to the teaching of biblical doctrine, fellowship, observing the Lord’s supper, and prayer (Acts 2:42). And sometimes its events don’t feel glorifying.
So, should hurting people endure the holiday? The statistics demonstrate the vast numbers of reproductive loss. Annually, 1 in 175 pregnancies end in stillbirth, 25% of pregnancies end in miscarriage, 1 out of 8 couples experience infertility, and 1 out of 4 women will have chosen abortion. Many more women and men are grieving the loss of their female family members, daughters, mothers, grandmothers, aunts, and other loved ones. We also need to recognize the grief of adoption placements, prenatal diagnoses, and broken dreams of family and relationships. As I type this, I wonder if Mother’s Day feels more like a day of survival for most.
The Bible doesn’t ask us to set aside special days for mothers and fathers or anyone else. But it doesn’t condemn it either. Instead, Romans 14:5-8 lays out how every day for a believer should be observed in honor of and thankfulness to the Lord. And through our hope and salvation in Christ, we look forward to the day where “He will wipe every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away” (Revelation 21:4). We can take refuge in a God who comforts us and saves us from the broken world and broken bodies.
So, should we opt out of Mother’s Day? What about Father’s Day? Or, any other day that brings anniversary grief? Let’s remind ourselves that the Lord has appointed times for weeping, laughing, mourning, and dancing (Ecclesiastes 3:1-4). And He also promises us a living hope and unfading inheritance through Christ (1 Peter 1:3-4). As believers, we should not mourn like those who have no future, but instead, keep our heads lifted to Christ (1 Thessalonians 4:13).
If you’re hurting this season, we pray for you. Whatever you choose to do to protect your heart this Mother’s Day, please don’t opt-out of Jesus; He is there. And for those who can comfort others, please reach out to the hurting and remember Christ “comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God” (2 Corinthians 1:4).
by Tanya Flores, Reproductive Loss Network
